Pausing: from Self-awareness to Self-management

Years ago, a colleague said, “I’ve taken all those personality assessments, and they all tell me the same thing — I’m a difficult person.” My first thought was, “Well, at least he’s self-aware!”

Emotional intelligence is (finally) being recognized as a critical element of successful leadership and teamwork. “EQ” usually starts with discussions of self-awareness. While self-awareness is the starting point, actionable emotional intelligence also requires self-management — often an area we struggle with in times of stress, when it matters most.

Self-management can come in many forms — beginning with noting when disruptive emotions may be starting to take over.  From there, it’s a matter of experimenting with what works best for you.  Pausing to take three deep breaths, focus on a mantra or phrase you keep on your computer monitor, or even excuse yourself to take a quick break from the situation are all good ways to break the emotional overcharge you may be feeling.

When I work with my clients on “noting and pausing” writing exercises, I often approach it as a way to gather data about oneself. Questions I ask a client to note can include: “What happened for me? Why? What could I do to care for myself in this situation?”

We are prone to anecdotal and heavily biased impressions of ourselves, and engaging in more systematic information gathering often reveals surprising insights — about causes, effects, and strategies to address.

What are your self-management strategies? Have you discovered new ones during the past year? Open a notebook, and take a few minutes to pause and note for yourself.